Is it Toxic?
A “toxic relationship” doesn’t mean there are occasional disagreements or stress—that’s normal in any bond. A relationship becomes toxic when negative patterns consistently outweigh the positives and harm one or both people.
If the dynamic regularly drains your energy, self-worth, or safety instead of nurturing it, it leans toxic.
✅ What DOES make a relationship toxic
Control & Manipulation – One partner tries to control the other’s choices, emotions, or independence.
Disrespect – Frequent belittling, mocking, dismissing feelings, or crossing boundaries.
Constant Criticism – Attacking the person’s character instead of addressing issues.
Emotional Neglect – Consistently ignoring or minimizing needs and feelings.
Gaslighting – Making the other doubt their reality, memory, or sanity.
Excessive Jealousy or Possessiveness – Leading to surveillance, accusations, or isolation.
Dishonesty – Lying, hiding things, or breaking trust repeatedly.
Hostility & Fear – The relationship feels unsafe, full of tension, walking on eggshells.
One-Sided Effort – One person constantly gives while the other takes.
Abuse – Emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, or physical abuse of any kind.
❌ What DOESN’T make a relationship toxic
Occasional Arguments – Conflict happens; healthy couples repair afterward.
Needing Space – Wanting alone time doesn’t mean rejection.
Different Interests or Opinions – Disagreeing or liking different things is normal.
External Stress – Money issues, work stress, or family drama can strain a relationship but don’t automatically make it toxic.
Imperfect Communication – Sometimes missing each other’s point or needing to learn better skills is part of growth.
Boundaries – Saying “no” or setting limits isn’t toxic; it’s healthy.
Checklist
If these happen often, it MAY be toxic:
☐ I feel worse about myself when I’m with them.
☐ My feelings are dismissed or mocked.
☐ I’m afraid to be honest because of how they’ll react.
☐ I feel controlled or guilty when I set boundaries.
☐ Arguments feel hostile, not constructive.
☐ Trust is repeatedly broken (lying, hiding things, betrayal).
☐ I feel drained, anxious, or unsafe after spending time together.
☐ They don’t take responsibility—everything is “my fault.”
☐ The relationship feels one-sided (I give way more than I get).
☐ There is emotional, verbal, or physical abuse.
If these are present most of the time, it’s healthier:
☐ I feel respected, valued, and safe.
☐ My feelings are listened to, even if not always agreed with.
☐ We can disagree without fear or cruelty.
☐ Boundaries are honored (alone time, privacy, choices).
☐ We repair after conflict instead of leaving wounds open.
☐ There’s honesty and effort to build trust.
☐ I feel more energized or supported after being together.
☐ Both of us take responsibility when mistakes happen.
☐ Effort feels mutual—both giving and receiving.
☐ Love and care outweigh conflict or negativity.